I found this bag of pancakes deep in our freezer, it must have been from April before he was diagnosed. Oliver loved pancakes so much that we use to make huge batches like this to freeze. A few mornings a week we'd warm some up for him. We'd top them with fruit, sometimes we'd make smiley faces out of them with bananas and whipped cream. He'd devour them and always ask for more. They took exactly 22 seconds to heat in the microwave. 25 seconds and they'd get too tough and chewy, 20 seconds and they were still too cold.

This stupid bag of pancakes brought me to tears, it made me want to crawl into bed and stay there forever. I can be having a "normal" day and something like this reminds me that my life is a nightmare.

Oliver has been very tired recently, he sleeps on and off all day and sleeps most of the night. His breathing is strange quite often now, it's either rattly, shallow, too fast, too slow and he has periods of high pitched stidor breathing. It still worries us, but now it's his new normal. A horrible new normal.


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